Wow...

Wow...that's the only word that really describes what I am feeling right now. I just got home from Time Out for Women and I am inspired! I love conferences for women. Every now and then I think we need a boost to help remember just how awesome we are.

I went to the conference today with a few thoughts in mind hoping to maybe glean some answers from the speakers today. The thoughts I had were, of course, baby related.

"How will I raise this baby to be raised in the gospel, but not be sheltered, but to have a balance in all things?"

"How will I change as a woman, wife, daughter of God?"

The answer to the second came more definite than the first for me.

How will I change as a woman with this new little one?

• I will become stronger. (I will, you watch. Anyone that knows me knows that I wouldn't choose to become weaker.)
• I will also become more tired ;)
• I will finally be closer to trying to be like the one woman I have always wanted to be like...my mom. (I love you, Mom.) (My mom is the best mom ever.)

How will I change as a wife with this new baby?

• I will have to find a balance between baby and hubby.
• I will be more stressed with a baby to take care of, so I hope that I can still keep my relationship with Brian as good as it has been.
• I will still giggle as I always have.

How will I change as a daughter of God with a new spirit?

• I will change in more ways than I can count or fathom.
• I will have a new element to my testimony, an element of motherhood I haven't had the opportunity of having before.
• I will start to understand a little bit about how much love our Heavenly Parents have for us.
• I will continue to have a strong testimony and bear it, so that my children will know what I believe.
• I will stand a little taller and prouder and stronger as a daughter of God.
• I will be more of an advocate for right for the sake of my children.

Anyway, I am still contemplating more about the first question, and more on the second one as well.

I am excited to become a mother. I am excited to welcome a new spirit into our home. I am excited to see my husband hold our new little baby (yes, I'm crying.) I am excited to see the love that my husband will have for our child, someone he barely knows, yet would do anything in the world for. I am excited to change as a daughter of God.

Even though I'm excited for all of this -- I am scared.

I am scared for what this nasty world holds for my children, but I am going to teach my children the best I can to do what is right. And, when they fall, I will be there to help them up and walk them through life with gentle reminders and love.

I am scared for my children because I don't want them to get teased at school, but even more, I don't want my kids to be the ones doing the teasing. I am going to teach my children that everyone is different, and that we are all beautiful in our own ways.

I am scared that I will be inadequate as a parent in so many ways, but, I will not dwell on my inadequecies, and I will look for the small victories I win each day.

Wow...there is so much going on inside me right now. That's enough for one day, but there is more where this is all coming from.